Fried Onion

WHO DIDN’T TELL ME about this? Who neglected to mention the simple process, that could have delighted me so well in the years since I have been old enough to be trusted with a sharp knife and a hotplate? What horrible self-censorship stopped me ever doing this, and what shameful ignorance ever ruled the process out of bounds, non-decision, un-knowledge?

Take half an onion, chop it very finely, toss it in a teaspoon of flour, and fry it in lots of sunflower oil.

The recipe is that simple, if you want lovely crispy onions like burger places put on their hamburgers, like Indian places put on top of rice, like anybody would want an onion to turn into. The italics are mine for importance: this has been an honest-to-Protestant-American-come-to-Jesus-moment-cliché revelation. Open palms in the air, dancing, call-and-response, Billy Graham with fried food, genuine hallelujah-and-pass-the-chicken-salt stuff.

Put it all over your messy-as-hell omelette. Yeeeeahhhhh.

Fried onions on an omelette

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Fyodor · 11 January 2013, 18:57 · #

Not only, but also: red onion + balsamic vinegar + brown sugar + fry just like a young man should.

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Casey · 11 January 2013, 19:41 · #

Bitta Sweet as usual F, but don’t ever change.

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FDB · 12 January 2013, 13:19 · #

Or for the SE asian in all of us – slice shallots very finely, salt lightly and deep fry in peanut oil VERY slowly until totally dehydrated.

Keep the frying oil too – it’s been infused with pure awesome, and together they do a fine duet.

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j_p_z · 28 January 2013, 12:57 · #

For the sake of all that’s holy, Liam, you’re going to have to post more frequently… I find to my chagrin that I am going through severe pangs of Australia withdrawal.

I need my Oz smart-arse fix, and I am afraid that you, my friend, are on the hook to provide it. The fate of more worlds than this one hangs in the balance.

You are caught in the cross-hairs of a broad conspiracy the depths of which (did I just say broad? well I changed my mind, now it’s depth) you cannot even begin to grasp! And it turns out that the only person you can trust is…… SCARLETT JOHANSSON!!!

Isn’t it great how whenever you’re in terrible danger, the only person you can trust just happens to be the sexiest person alive?

It’s like that for me, too. All the time. Why just last week, I was dodging bullets left and right (maybe it’s right and left down there, who the hell knows) and the only person in the world I could trust was…. ANN HATHAWAY!!

So you see how it is.

Now start typing about football and herb gardens and capsicums and horrifying pizza with fried eggs on it, or else.

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Liam · 29 January 2013, 11:02 · #

I hope you’re happy, JPZ.

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j_p_z · 29 January 2013, 22:30 · #

“I hope you’re happy, JPZ.”

It can never be satisfied, the mind, never.
— Stevens, “The Well-Dressed Man With a Beard”

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Dewey · 30 January 2013, 06:19 · #

provided it is working against your, you will probably experience anxiety and sleeplessness in addition.
It will good to make notes in the journal about the issues you are frightened
of and also that you worry could result in your to feel a
panic attack. Broadly speaking it is referred to as intellectual treatment and additionally it really works with
helping you change how you observe the entire world about your.

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j_p_z · 30 January 2013, 08:39 · #

Dewey — yes, precise. It will be for the admiring of the thing, and also for the swollen of the object if the water has been added as instructions. Check your doctor for best lucky results! Finest feelings!

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Liam · 30 January 2013, 08:43 · #

For it’s questionable lyricism (but mostly for your response JPZ) that spam comment stays.

[stretches one thumb out from the box at the arena, points upwards]

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j_p_z · 30 January 2013, 09:46 · #

Liam — so, how did your “accidental” meet-up with Scarlett Johansson go? Did she give you the key to the secret underground tunnel?

Me, I was just going about my humdrum business last week, y’know, just translating a typically boring secret codex from a lost Sumerian cuneiform tablet, like ya do, when all of a sudden all these guys in shiny black cars drive up and start shooting at me full-auto. I dodged the bullets easily enough, because of my standard USMC training, but there were just too many of them! Then along swoops Ann Hathaway, who used some unusual hydraulic-cord thingy to airlift us to the top floor of the nearest skyscraper. We made out a little on the way up, like ya do, but then when we got to the Secret Penthouse of Silence it was all business. She debriefed me on what was really going on, and just as we were about to form a plan, the guys with the guns from downstairs burst in, and in a hail of gunfire we leaped out an ostensibly shatter-proof window. Fortunately she had a parachute capable of holding two (three, actually; Cee-Lo Green joined us in the plummet between floors 25 and 10, then he swooped off for some different adventure with Michelle Yeoh), and by the time we reached the pavement she got a cell phone call saying the whole thing was under control. So she gave me a peck on the cheek goodbye and disappeared in a cloud of odd-smelling fumes, and I just went back to my nerdy job at the bank, tracking mysterious billion-dollar accounts that all seem to lead to an unknown firm on the north coast of Madagascar. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.

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Ben Harris-Roxas · 1 February 2013, 11:06 · #

Relevant

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David Irving (no relation) · 5 February 2013, 00:04 · #

Yes, Ben. I’ve been cooking for over 40 years, and I’ve never managed to caramelise onions in under half an hour.

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