Cold Framin'

LISTEN TO ANOTHER PARABLE. THERE was a landowner who planted a vineyard, put a fence around it, dug a wine press in it, and built a watch-tower. Then he leased it to tenants and went to another country…
—Matthew 21:33

If you’ve skimmed the Gospel, you know the story. After making sound property and infrastructure investments, a vineyard’s owner’s slaves and sons go to collect the dues, but meet gruesome ends. The landowner, as you’d expect in a story told by the Son of Man, “[puts] those wretches to a miserable death”.

The moral, of course, is if you’re a tenant with a garden, don’t stop paying rent no matter what the dispute, put all communications in writing, have the number for the CTTT handy, and read your Residential Tenancy Agreement.

Here’s a picture of my latest project in defiance of all economic rental sense. (“You shall build nothing, nor shall you make improvements or repairs, for even if you don’t get your notice to vacate next week, certainly when the property manager inspects your house, they’ll put the rent up. Amen.”) It’s a miniature greenhouse, or more technically a cold frame. It’s been a bit chilly in Sydney lately, and though it’s probably time to start putting down peas, and carrots, and such, I’ll be surprised if they survive the sheer cold blasting wind.

So, take two pieces of three-ply, some lengths of 2“x4” for corners, two hinges and a sheet of PVC. Measure out a regular-ish sloped oblong box, saw saw saw, drill guide holes before you screw it all together, then assemble it with those woodworking skills you’ve forgotten you’ve even forgotten. Got any half-bricks lying about in inexplicable piles? If you’re in a rental house in Sydney, of course you do. Grab four—on these rocks, you shall build your Church.

a Cold Frame
Still Life in a Sydney Inner Western Backyard with Cold Frame, Busted Garage Door, Wheelie Bin and Motorcycle.

The contents at the moment are coriander and some stringy, insect-eaten flowers, but having gone to the trouble of building the thing, I feel as proud a planter in an irrigated Central California. In fact, I feel an urge to rail against Government interference just as I rake in subsidy and illicitly protect my farmworkers from deportation.

And just because I’ve been whistling it all morning, here’s some youtube.

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FDB · 30 June 2011, 10:23 · #

Unusually for me, I made one of these devices, but underengineered it severely. Plastic sheeting on a flimsy frame of pine batons is not good enough when you have a cat who likes to sit on top of stuff in the sun (i.e. a cat).

You have inspired me to make it over in perspex and ply.

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Liam · 30 June 2011, 10:44 · #

Oh, if I see any of the cats in my street try to sit on my cold frame it’ll get what’s coming to it, make no mistake.
A pat. Maybe a scratch between the ears. Nice kitty.

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